This is from Maria's Myspace Blog. She was (that hurts, to say that in past tense) my lead on this show. I was just really touched by the entry, so I thought it'd be appropriate to post it here. God and Goddess, she loves it like I do!

Warning: There is sappy and emotional material in this blog. I am letting all my feelings out here. If that kind of thing makes you uncomfortable, stop reading immediately and close this window.

When I was a kid I grew up not knowing who my dad was. Then when I finally met him, I remember feeling this weird emotion. Even now I remember exactly how I felt, and even now I still can't put the feeling into words. The feeling is beyond words. I felt this feeling on November 27, 1988 at around 6:30 at night in Worcester Massachusetts.

More than a decade later, I met Billy Idol face to face. I had been worshiping him for about twenty years, and then here he was, right in front of me, giving me a hug, kissing my cheek, autographing my breasts, telling me how pretty he thought I was. Again, words can't describe the feeling. Just like the moment I met my dad for the first time, I still remember the way my heart pounded in that parking lot in Colombia, Missouri on July 19, 2005 at around 5:00 in the evening.

Those two events were the heart-stopping, gut-wrenching, alternate reality, walking on clouds moments in my life. Words cannot possibly come close to describing those moments and how they were so overwhelming that I almost fainted.

However, those two do not even compare to the moment of February 9, 2007 at around 8:50 at night in New Haven, Connecticut. I know exactly where I was. I was at the Long Wharf Theater, Stage II, downstage center. I was in the arms of a man named Rob Rocke, and our lips were touching. There was a light shining on us, and there were lots of people watching us, and clapping and cheering. Eric Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight" was playing. That moment surpasses all moments in history. The tears rolled down my cheeks and I half-fainted in Rob's arms. I moaned. I shook. I gasped for air. But on the outside I appeared calm. Then the lights went out and he whispered in my ear, "You did great, Maria!" I tried to say "thank you" but I had no voice. I could barely stand. I tried to answer, but all that came out was a soft groan.

The feeling is indescribable.

Since before I even met my father, I've wanted to act. But I had it ingrained in my head that it would never happen, that it was a dream, a fantasy, but I still liked to think about it, and dream about it. It wasn't until recently that I realized that it was possible for me to pursue it if I took college courses for it. But once I realized that, I also "realized" that I had no acting talent. My teacher made it clear to me that I couldn't learn it. It was too hard, too confusing. I got frustrated that it came so easily to others, yet it was so difficult for me. Why did my teacher encourage others and applaud others and give positive feedback to others who barely tried, but when I tried hard, there was nothing? It was true. I had no talent, and I never would. It sank in. It stayed.

In my anger, I decided to just practice going to auditions for the sake of the practice. I auditioned in New Haven after receiving a call from the executive director of New Works New Haven. I went there just for practice. I did my audition, and left the room. The door closed behind me and I began to hear my acting teacher in my head. "I didn't like it. You did it like this. You should have done it like this. Watch me do it, and you'll see what you did wrong. You need to work on your punctuation. You need to work on your switches. You need to work on your body language." She likes saying things like this, but I never learned from her what she means by 'punctuation' or how to go about working on my switches and body language. She just would inform me of all the areas I suck in (all of them) and that would be the end of it.

The next day I got a voice message from Dana Sachs. He didn't say much, just that he'd like me to call him back. I did and I remember his exact words. "You were my first choice for the lead role in Redboy Burn." I couldn't believe it. I figured the guy was on dope or something. Me? He wanted me? Why? I had no talent. But I was still happy that someone considered me. I told myself that he wanted me because I was the only hispanic female that auditioned. That had to be it.

Rehearsals began. Everyone else involved had way more experience than I did, and here I was with the leading role. I felt so alone, so out of place. Everyone involved was really nice, though. But I was still waiting for Dana to lecture me on my "punctuation", my "switches", everything she found faulty about me. Rehearsal after rehearsal went by, and still, he was encouraging and helpful. He helped me understand my character. He helped me invoke Ayla into me. He didn't do the work for me. He guided me along in it. And I found myself getting better at it. I couldn't believe it. The very last rehearsal came and went, and he announced how pleased he was with all of us as far as acting and everything went.

Opening night came. I was scared. I was still wondering how the hell I got the leading role. I didn't know what Dana saw in me, because I sure as hell didn't see anything. My acting teacher that I've had for a year and a half sure didn't see any talent in me. The light went up. I did my first monologue. The scenes came and went. At 8:50, I said my very last monologue, my last word. I looked into Rob's eyes. He grabbed and embraced me, our lips touched, the music started, the hands clapped loudly, the crowd cheered, the lights went out, and he whispered, "You did great, Maria!"

It was that moment. The biggest moment of my life. That's when it all hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me so hard that I cried, I almost fainted, I choked on my breath. It hit me.

I do have talent. I can do this. I CAN ACT! And it's not from anything that bitch ever taught me. It was from my experience with the cast and crew of Redboy Burn. She's a terrible teacher, a terrible mentor, and not worthy of my time. I don't need her! I got this role by myself. I searched the internet, I called the number, I drove and hour and a half to the audition, I scaled a fucking fence to get in, I did the audition, I walked out, and I accepted the leading role.

I DID IT.

With the help and guidance of Dana and Rosana, and with the teamwork of Jocelyn, Rob, Jeremy and Susan, I fulfilled my dream of over eighteen years. I became an actor. I am an actor. And there's nothing my acting teacher, or anyone else for that matter, can say to make me think any less of my abilities!!! I know what I'm capable of, and I know that there's definitely room for improvement, and I know that it's a process, but I also know that I am now an actor. An actor! Nothing can stop me now. I'm on top of the fucking world!!!

I was in Jeremy's car a few nights ago. I remember telling him that if I had the choice of having all the sex I want for the rest of my life but never acting again, and never having sex again but being able to act, I would choose the latter. As much as I love to fuck, I would rather give up sex forever than give up acting. Jeremy didn't believe me. I'm a Scorpio, and so is he, so he thought I was just being a crazy drunk. And I was drunk when I said this, but I'm sober now and I would still make the same choice.

I want to thank everyone who worked on Redboy Burn with me as well as everyone to came to the show. It was the best experience of my life, and I doubt that any future ones will even come close to matching up with it. The show is over now, and I'm aching. I'd give anything to do the show just one more time.

Thank you for reading, and Blessed Be.